Depthless, depthful, never ending, never beginning
Echoing into itself, tickling every part of my body’s soul
My form moving, accepting weight of…water or breath
It’s all in my head; most things are,
or at least they come to me in that way
My eyes, my fingers, eye contact
Dreamsleep, doesn’t matter which side
I had really forgotten this feeling existed
I doubted that it did ever, at all
Everything feels heavier
I remember this
Where did you go? Where have you been?
Who was I this whole time?
Everything can suddenly have this rhythm,
it’s unfair to have taken this away from me
Being alive, the beingness of being alive tickles
Maybe that’s why I have so many freckles
My hair changes color in the sun, like my skin
I can see inside your leaves
Let me water you
Just believe me I know this is what I am supposed to do
I can feel it
I can feel it
That’s why I can’t sleep
It’s too exciting I could stare into nothing
I could talk forever
I would say everything ….but it still wouldn’t make sense, maybe
So that’s why I would paint
That’s why I paint
And yet still it doesn’t make perfect sense the way it does without me ever having tried to explain it in the first place
So, I sing, and harmonize with this old guitar
And my feet, hardened on the soles from years of barefooting.
Bleeding and scarred. But I like it that way,
When I wash them and my hands they become clean like that
The way that other people tell me is good but I don’t feel pure
Like when I put my hands into the earth, into the water,
My poor mother’s body … I can see through her leaves…
If I kept walking, the way I think my legs would like to do
I would find you in the desert, waiting
Circling my dead flesh like a scavenging bird,
Dark feathers, patient and hungry
Wings flap, heart flutter, wolf cry why
Did I ever leave this?
I don’t want to leave this
But I’m already on my way back
Because someone else was telling me this isn’t a productive place to be
But I guess I could stay here forever
Let me just dive as deep as I can if I never return
Know there’s no other place I should be
This might seem strange to all of these dolls without wings or gills to guide them through thicker mediums like this kind of feeling, this moment.
Please please… please… I want you to know her. I want to be that way….
My words just cannot go there so forgive me if you’re reading this or hearing this and thought it was a poem or a story, it’s only a failed attempt to show you what I mean… and maybe you already know what I mean so maybe I can stop here and wait, until we meet again.